Thursday, September 30, 2010

Some Things Are Better Kept to Yourself

Before I begin, let me say - Yippee!  I am excited to be having a little Ladies Night at my house for some of my neighbors.  I've made something yummy to share!  Looking forward to later girls!  Hhheeeeeeeyyyyyy. . .

Also, I am a bit distracted as I write this because the Jman is behind me running in circles and playing his little electric guitar.  So if all of a sudden, I start typing, "Hey now, you're a rock star. . ." it's because it's one of the songs his guitar plays.  It also plays "Message in a Bottle", "Love Shack", "Wild Thing", and I forget what else.  Love that guitar.  And don't judge me because I am on my blog while my kid is running around behind me.  I can't play with him every single minute!  I would hope by now my four year old could amuse himself for at least a little while!

SO.  I have started and stopped this post about a hundred times.  In fact, I have another draft of it saved.  I had an interesting conversation with my friend Sabrina last night about myself and the conversation became somewhat of an epiphany moment for me.  However, I keep stopping myself from posting it.

Why, you ask?  I am not sure.  Is it that part of me is still processing what we discussed?  That I am still thinking about my epiphany?  Maybe.  I had titled it something along the lines of "I'm Not so Scared of Me Anymore".  And as I was reading back over it, I just thought, "Nope.  Can't go there yet."  So then I just saved it, because I had actually written quite a lot, and I thought I might be able to go back and figure out why I didn't want to post it.

Maybe I find it too personal.  Or too revealing.  I mean, you don't have to know every thought that is in my head, do you?  Especially when it is about me, and who I am and stuff.  You might not even want to know, right? 

I thought when I first started writing on my blog that I would really be able to write about truly anything at all.  But I realize now, that there are things that still need to be kept inside of me.  Or at least in a journal that I can hide away for no one else to see.  (Jamey don't look for one, because there isn't one.  It's just a thought that happened to pop out on this post at this very moment.)  That's not really bad though, right?  I mean no one is a complete, open book are they? 

I look at people sometimes and I think that they must be just about perfect.  They seem to have it all.  They have great spouses, great families, great kids, great houses that are decorated much cuter than mine, they all look really great and pretty and perfect.  But I bet that really, if I asked them, they would say they have stuff inside that they don't share with anyone either.  Not that I would want to know what that stuff is (OK, let's be honest here,  I would be curious.  I can't help it.  I am a curious creature.)  (And by the way, I just love the word creature.  I wonder why?)

I am finally beginning to live a life where I realize we are all, to some degree messed up people.  That's being a human being.  I look at those same people and I have to remind myself that none of us are perfect.  That I am not (I love this term) "terminally unique".  Meaning there are other people who are maybe a little broken and not perfect.  And thank goodness for that.  The more I realize that, the better I feel.  Not like, oh so ha ha, you aren't perfect.  But more like, oh, but thank goodness it isn't just me.  I don't have to be perfect, and neither do you.  I just have to be me, and learn to be happy with me wherever I am at in my journey.  And so it's OK for me to not share my epiphany about myself if I don't want to.  It's just nice to recognize there has been some growth along the journey.  Maybe I will share it all with you one day.  But for now it's OK to keep that to myself. 

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Where Is The Time Going????

September is almost gone.  What happened to it?  I want my beach trip back, because I swear I wasn't there for a week!  In fact, how the heck am I not 24 anymore?  I was 24 when Jamey and I met.  Jamey says I still look exactly the same.  I beg to differ.  And not in an all that good way.  I'm glad he thinks so, though.

I do think it is true that having a child has made the time go so much faster.  But I have heard people say that the older you get the faster time goes anyway.  So for those of you who don't have kids, I'd love to have your feedback on that.  But I swear just yesterday, I was holding Joshua and rocking him in the rocking chair, and he was so small that he could fit between the arms of the chair with no problem.  Last night when I was rocking him, he was still in my arms, but he was also spilling over both sides of the rocking chair.  Way over.  When I think back to it, he really looked downright uncomfortable.  But he doesn't say anything, and so neither do I because it is one of my favorite parts of the day.  And no, it's not because I know after he goes to bed I am going to get ice cream.  OK, well that's part of it.  I digress. . .

Jamey and I were together for three years before we got married.  So in October, we will have been together for a total of 17 years.  That sounds so long.  So very. Very. Very. Long.  (Just kidding honey!)  But it has gone by in a flash.  A month ago, I feel like we were hanging out at VCU and making plans for the weekend.  And other than his curly mullet being gone, Jamey still looks the same as when I met him too.  So when I look at him and he still looks the same, then how can so much time have gone by?  It is perplexing.

I know I have said this before, but I finally can't think of my parents as perpetually 40 either.  It isn't working anymore.  This part I really don't like, but I have to mention it because the time is going by so fast.  Um.  I think that's all I will say on that part. 

Even Quincy.  He is sitting here, right now, being a real pain in the patootie.  He wants me to pat on him.  But he is tall enough now that he can just butt his head underneath my arm while he is sitting there looking at me.  And if he puts his paws up on me like he just did, (Dude.  This is my time.  Get off me or you are toast.  And the cow hoof you are chewing on reeks.) then his head is over mine!  Yesterday we just got him from the farm and he was little bitty and I could carry him around with one arm.

So now that I've maybe depressed you, what's the point to all this?  For all the struggles, hardships, good times, bad times and whatever other kind of times - it's all been worth it.  I am a lucky, lucky girl.  I hope you feel lucky too.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Magic Moments? I Don't Think So. . .

OK, so first of all, sorry it's been a few days.  I have been busy. 

Second of all, I have to say that since this blog is all about me and what I want to write about, today's subject is about God.  So if you aren't into God, well I'm not going to apologize about it or avoid the subject.  I believe in Him, and it's my blog and so I can write about Him if I want to.  So you can either ignore it, or if you want, you can read it and just enjoy it for what it's worth.  Enjoy it for the fact that it is someone else's experience. 

People talk about magic moments, but I think those moments are actually God moments.  The really special moments all seem to revolve around life, love and death.  Here are a very few of my favorites that I like to think about.   And these happen to be in the order in which they happened.

The day I first saw Jamey, I had no idea he was my husband.  At first, I thought he was someone I knew in high school.  He actually had a very curly mullet.  Which doesn't sound all that attractive, but trust me, somehow, even in 1993, he could pull it off.  However, my first real God moment in loving came about three weeks later.  It was the night before Thanksgiving, and Jamey was leaving for Georgia to go visit his dad and stepmother early the next morning.  I can remember this moment so very well.  We had been smooching (for almost 21 days straight by this point), and right after a super nice smooch, I distinctly remember looking at him and it was so very clear to me that I was looking at my husband.  That magic moment was a definite clue in from God that I was supposed to know something very important.  I knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jamey was going to be my husband.  And God must have also clued Jamey in to that because he kind of grabbed me by the shoulders and said very seriously, "Don't ever look at me like that again unless you really mean it."  I have no doubt that God was holding a bunch of flashing neon arrow signs at Jamey and yelling at the top of his lungs, "Carolyn!  It's THIS one!!!!"

My second God moment was about life.  The day that Jamey and I went in to see the baby in my belly who would become Joshua.  And we saw him at about eight weeks.  And he was moving.  And his heart was beating.  And it was surreal.  I couldn't believe it.  I didn't have to wonder though, how it happened.  (Duh.  I mean I know how it happened in the "scientific sense".)  I know that God had everything to do with putting the "uncapturable" essence of life in me.  He was the one that put it there inside my son's developing body. 

The third God moment has to do with death.  Jamey's grandfather passed away recently.  And his son, Barry, was there with him.  Barry was watching him, breathing in and out and then he said all of a sudden, the breathing changed.  Just a little, but it changed.  And then he watched as his father lifted his arms straight up into the air.  Reaching.  And then he passed away.  Of course he was reaching for God.  He saw him and he went.  That's not magic.  That's God.  That's better than magic.

And then my most recent God moment happened just today.  My little guy and I were driving over to a doctor's appointment this afternoon.  We were on a highway, and the sun was shining brightly and there were huge puffy clouds in the sky.  And all of a sudden, Joshua said, "Look mommy.  That one looks like God."  Magic?  Nope.  I bet he did see God.  He's only four.  I bet there's still some part of him, a teency little part that still remembers what he looks like.  I think it's sad it fades away.  But he still remembered today.  What did I say to Joshua?  I said, "You're right buddy.  That does look like God."  And then we waved and said "hi" to God.  Because if we acknowledge Him, maybe we'll be lucky enough to get a few more magic God moments in our lives. 

Thursday, September 23, 2010

And the winner is. . .

Before I forget, I need to ask you all a favor.  Can one of you, anybody at all, someone who is not an "official follower", please see if you can post a comment on here without having to go through the official "sign up" process?  You are supposed to be able to, but I don't know if it works and am curious.  If it doesn't, can you email me?  (i.e. - mom?  It shouldn't mess up your computer, OK?)

And now, hello! 

If you could only eat one dessert in the whole wide world, what would it be?  I know what mine would be.  But first I think I'll talk about some of my favorite desserts.  You know, right before I go workout.  Have I mentioned that I am a bit sore from my run the other day?  Sigh.

One of my all time favorite desserts is chocolate lava cake.  I had my first one in a restaurant somewhere.  And I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.  I love the yummy liquidy center.  And then low and behold, one day I got a little magazine in the mail and it happened to have a recipe for chocolate lava cakes.  This was pre-Jman, so of course, as soon as I'd gotten home from work and saw the beautiful, beautiful recipe in that magazine, I turned right around and went to the store and bought the ingredients and made them that very night.  Jamey is a chocoholic, so I knew he'd like them. 

They were much easier to make than I thought.  In fact, I've seen some recipes since then that are much more difficult.  As in, you have to make something and put it in the center of the batter, etc.  My recipe doesn't call for that.  I like it much better.  Anyway, I made them and we each ate one and once again, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.  Then I looked.  A serving was supposed to be half of a cake.  How in the world are you supposed to split one?  The center will spill out and then someone will have lots of gooey center and the other person will just get cake.  Not fair.  Plus, they are small.  So come on people.  No way half of one is  a serving.  (I wonder why I struggle with keeping weight off?)  But they were delicious and I love making them.

I also love creme brulee.  Again, I got one at a restaurant and fell in love.  I love the crunchy sugar on the top and then the creamy yummy custard.  It's not one of Jamey's favorites, so when I don't want to share dessert with him, I will get this when we're out.  Oopsie.  Forgot you didn't like creme brulee, honey.

I also like making homemade puddings and homemade cream puffs.  These are some of my dad's favorites, so when he and my mom come over, I make them sometimes.  I thought cream puffs would be hard to make, but they really aren't.  And homemade banana pudding?  Oh man oh man oh man.  Delish.

My favorite Christmas dessert is a cookie called Rhozki.  Also known as horn cookies, because they are shaped kind of like crescent horns.  They are kind of like a pastry with a nut, sugar, and egg white filling in the middle.  I made them one time when Jamey and I had first started dating.  Mind you, these cookies take TWO DAYS to make.  TWO days.  I absolutely slaved over them.  I also made chocolate chip cookies.  Jamey came to my apartment and saw the chocolate chip cookies and ate one immediately.  Then I said, "You have to try one of these."  He did.  I got the big, "Um, it's okay."  ExCUSE me?  Then he said, "There's no chocolate in them."  I was so exasperated.  But I gamely asked, "What are your favorite kinds of cookies then?"  His response was, "Chocolate chip."  I said, "Besides chocolate chip?"  Are you ready for his answer?  Get ready.  Here it comes. . .  "Well, I also like the ones with m&m's in them."    I'm sorry.  THAT'S JUST A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE WITH A CANDY COATING.

Ahem.  So sorry for my outburst just then.  Let's move on. 

But if I could only choose one dessert in the whole wide world to ever eat again?  Hands down winner - ice cream.  Because if you can have ice cream, you can have almost any other dessert in the world.  You can have cookies when you have cookies and cream ice cream or cookie dough ice cream.  You can have cake because there is birthday cake flavored ice cream.  You can have key lime pie ice cream (I love key lime pie).  You can have just about any other sweet treat imaginable, because if it's good, they figure out a way how to make it into ice cream.  Or coffee creamer. 

So there you have it.  Ice cream is the winner.  What's YOUR one dessert for the rest of your life?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

What We Should Have Named Harley & Quincy

First of all - I have a new follower!!! How exciting!

Second of all - I am happy to report that I found a "Stats" section on the Blogger dashboard that I didn't even know was there. And so I know I have a few more followers even if you aren't all "official like". So thanks!

Third of all - what was that third thing? Oh well. If I think of it, I'll interrupt today's post to tell you.

Oh wait - I know what third of all was. I finally bought vacuum bags. Now I just need to wade through the mountain of Quincy hair to get to the closet where we keep the vacuum. Sheesh!

Speaking of Quincy, I was walking him around the neighborhood this morning and I got to thinking of what we should have named him. And I also was thinking about my firstborn - Harley - and what we should have named him. And I thought. Hmmmmmm. That could make a fun post.

Harley, for those of you who don't know, was our Jack Russell Terrier that we owned for ten and half lovely, but too short years. We actually had our own breed name for him. He was a Jack Russell Terror. He was lucky he didn't get killed by our hands for the first two years or so. But once we made it through those years, he was actually an awesome dog.

However, we didn't choose the right name for him. In retrospect, Harley could have been called two other names.

First, he could have been called Hoover. He constantly had his head down and would eat anything that came across his path. It was pathetic. He definitely had a nose for finding all kinds of things to eat. Mostly stuff he shouldn't have. The worst thing he ever found was a disposable razor in the shower. Twice. He did it twice. Luckily, we found him very quickly. So if you want to know and are brave enough to do this and not take your pet to the animal hospital, take a piece of soft white bread (i.e. Wonder Bread) and tear it into bits. Have them eat it and wait a few minutes. Then make them throw up. Voila. The razor comes up with the bread. (disclaimer - if you do this and your pet gets hurt worse, I am not a vet and you should always call your vet instead of reading blogs to find out what to do in cases like this.)

He also once at a wolf spider. Luckily I watched him do it and as soon as he started acting funny, I figured he had been poisoned. I took him to the vet. They gave him anti-venom. His head swelled up and by the time we came to get him, just his nose was swollen. We called him W.C. Fields for a few days till the swelling went down.

He also ate a rope toy. And almost $2,000 later, we got to bring him home from the vet. Needless to say, he was one expensive JRT.

The other name we could have given him was Licky. He licked. Everything. He licked his paws. He licked our faces. He licked other really gross parts and then tried to lick our faces. We drew the line there. He licked walls, chairs, floors, arms, legs, books, beds. The list is endless. I never could figure out why he did that. It's one of the few things I don't miss about Harley. Because Harley was an awesome pup.

Quincy could also be Hoover of the Outdoors. He eats everything from sticks, to acorns, to dirt, to the lining in Jamey's rock wall and underneath the mulch, to bugs, to rocks. And then on more than one occasion, we get to see it again. In the kitchen. In great big dark piles of yuck that he has kindly regurgitated. Nice.

And lastly, we could have named Quincy Humpy Humperton. Need you ask? He loves his bed. No, no. You read that wrong. He loves his bed. That's a verb. An action if you will. Again, nice.

That said though, we'll keep him. Joshua really loves him. And he is about the most laid back, chilled dog I have ever seen. Perfect for us. But I wish we could interview them before we choose the names. Because if it were acceptable, I would have named Quincy, Humpy instead.

Sigh. Vacuuming up a bazillion pounds of Qball hair now. Fun times.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Running Today = Scaredy Cat

I am running for the first time today in two weeks. I don't want to go. I have three reasons for this.

The one, most obvious reason, is that I haven't run in two weeks. Makes sense, right? We went to the beach two weeks ago. I ran once down there. And you can't blame me, because we were on vacation. And for those of you who run and exercise all the time even when you go on vacation, I think you are crazy. Just sayin'. For the record.

Then after we got home, I knew I was close to finishing my book. And I didn't do anything but write and cook meals and take Jman to and from school. In fact, yesterday I looked in the cabinets and realized I had absolutely not one thing to make for dinner. So off to the store I finally went yesterday. All I can say is I am thankful that Jamey didn't give me a hard time, cos he sure had reason to!

The second reason is my foot is hurting again. I hate running injuries. And this one is quite a little dickens to figure out. Seems that I have a problem with new running shoes. Any new running shoes. So I wonder if I will be stuck wearing my old ones forever. . . I just bought a pair, but every time I wear them, I get the same pain in my foot. So then I switch to the old ones and the cycle continues like that for about forever. It is quite frustrating, actually. I need to make an appointment to see my sports medicine doctor. Of course, it would be helpful if I did my stretches for my foot on a regular basis. (Don't judge me!!!!)

The third reason is that, frankly, I get lazy. I go through cycles allllllll the time with exercise. I will do well for a while. Then I fall off the wagon. Then I do well. Then I get hurt. Then I don't for a while. Then I get better. Then I try again. And hence another cycle. I totally blame my parents for this. (But I still love you both!) The reason I blame them is because they didn't really do any exercise on a regular basis. So I never had that demonstrated for me. And so now I struggle with it too. But I want to be at least a better example for Jman. I figure if he at least sees me trying, and then he sees Jamey actually exercising regularly, then he will be the better for it. But lest they think I don't love them, other than this one little teency thing, my parents were/are perfect. (I have to say things like this or I might not get invited over for a mommy weekend. And isn't it about time Mom and Daddy???????)

So there are my three reasons. But after I drop Joshua off at school, I'll come home and procrastinate for just a little while. Then I'll go suffer through it and pray my foot doesn't hurt in my old shoes. Because I know it's good for me. Plus, eating four times at the Bad Bean Taqueria while we were at the beach, and the ice cream we eat every night is really showing on me now!

UPDATE: 11:20am - I did just what I said I'd do. I procrastinated, then I ran. Foot felt good. Stretching now. Will be sore and tired by tonight. Repeat tomorrow. . .

Monday, September 20, 2010

Cleaning the House Stinks

So. I have a confession. I didn't clean the house after my post the other day. But I did go through and fold three hundred loads of clothes and pick up everything by this afternoon when I went to pick Jman up at preschool. I also made the beds. Now I really do need to go this afternoon to pick up vacuum cleaner bags so that I can do that tomorrow. There. I admit it. I'm not the best house cleaner in the world.

You know why? I don't really like cleaning the house. It just gets dirty again. Really, really fast. For instance, I dust and by the next morning, there is another layer of it. And I'm like, "Seriously? I just dusted you bedroom furniture, family room furniture, you name it and it's dusty furniture. . ."

And we have Quincy. If you look at him wrong, he sheds off a whole layer of fur. I'm not kidding. And he takes his lovely "babies" and he runs them along the walls and they get a gorgeous dirty smudge running the whole length of them. Over and over again. How do I train him not to do that? Plus, he is a lab. Labs smell bad. It's a requirement of the breed. If, before they are born, God looks at them and says, "And do you promise to always smell smelly, even if you just had a bath five minutes before?", and that little puppy looks up into God's beautiful face and says, "Um, no I just don't think I can do that. . ." He turns them into a cat. I know it's true. And the smell contributes to the unclean vibe in the house.

Plus, we get a lot of paper in this house. Papers from preschool. Papers from the mail that include a bazillion pieces of junk mail, advertisements and other sundry bits of mail that I don't know what to do with. Papers that have coupons, or action items or blah blah blah. It just accumulates. I can't keep up with it all.

Laundry. Same as dirt. It just piles up. And it's a never ending pile. I get to the bottom of the hamper and by the end of the day it's half full. And the cycle starts all over again. I told Jamey this weekend that I was going to take one weekend this winter and declare it "Wear the EXACT Same Clothes You Put on, on Friday All Weekend" weekend. Down to underwear. Gross I know, but I would love to have a clean laundry hamper for more than five minutes one day. The laundry just adds to the messiness of the house because I also don't like putting it away (for the same reasons I don't like doing it - if I keep up with the laundry, I also have to keep up with putting it away.) So sometimes, like this past weekend, I had about four loads of laundry sitting in various stages of foldedness sitting in my family room. For the entire weekend.

And then of course we have Joshua. He spills syrup on the table every morning. Yogurt on the table at lunch every afternoon. Ranch dressing on the table at every dinner. It gets depressing wiping up the table so many times. I think I'm getting "Wiping Up the Table Elbow". He brings home a sandbox full of sand in his shoes from preschool every day. And every day I forget that is the case and he takes them off in our family room and gets it all over the rug. And I won't even start to discuss the messes I find in the bathroom, lest you run from this post screaming.

Does it sound like I am complaining? Maybe. But I'm really not. Mostly. But if it sounds a little like complaining, it's only because I have to go grocery shopping today. Like I do what seems like almost every day. Gee now that I think about it, grocery shopping and cleaning the house are very similar. But at least at the grocery store, they give out free cookies. . .

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Post Book Letdown

I am all done writing my book. And now I'm bored. And depressed.

First of all, my two loyal followers, I still only have two loyal followers. And you seem to be the only ones who reads my blog. So I'm just wondering if I were to get lucky enough to get my book published somehow, would you be the only two people who read it?

Also, I went out and started looking at how publishing works. And it's confusing. I don't understand half of what they are saying. They talk about ISDN numbers and you can buy that yourself, and someone else says they will buy it for you and blah blah blah. All the technical stuff bogs me down. So I could try to get an agent, but that seems to be hard and you can get a shady person who just takes your money and they don't really do anything. Obviously, I am definitely not going that route!

You can also self publish. But I can't imagine you would be able to get a bunch of people to read your book that way. If I can't get people to read my blog, let alone my book, then how am I going to sell the movie rights and have Sandra Bullock star in the movie? And then she and I won't get to start hanging out together and I won't be able to help her with Louis. That just totally bums me out.

I think I am also a little sad that I actually finished it. I was really having a fun time writing it, and now it's all done. And yes, I have this blog (thank goodness) and although it's really just for me, it would be nice to have other people want to share it with. But at least I have you two. Right?

I know this post is totally depressing, so don't leave me. I need the faithful two! ;o)

I think what I need is to have someone else who is better at interpreting technical writing, and who also happens to be good at sort of laying out all the options to find the best possible option, be the one to look out there for me. I know who this person is. It's Jamey. My hubby. But he is busy with work right now. So I am not sure how much time he would have to dedicate to this venture. But maybe I will talk with him.

I was hoping this post would turn into something good and uplifting. Not happening yet, huh?

OK, let's seeeeee. . .thinking positive. Thinking positive. Nope. Not happening today. I guess they can't all be good days, even on a fun blog. Tomorrow will be better.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Holy Cow I Wrote a Book!

Did you wonder why I was gone for so long? Well now you know!!! I don't know what happened, or why it happened, but somehow this blog thing got me wondering if I could write something different. I realized I really like writing, but I wasn't sure if I would be able to write like - a whole book. So a couple of ideas started banging around in my cobwebbed brain. And then I realized I had kind of a synopsis of a book and I thought, "Well, I guess I could try it and just see how it goes". And some four-hundred and fifty some odd pages later, here I am!

Can't believe it! So now I have this book. What kind of book you ask, my two loyal followers? Well, it's your average girlie novel. Not smutty or anything. I don't think anyway. But a kind of a romance book. If you wonder about it, you can ask the three people who I let read it along the way. I just sent them the last bit of it today. My peeps were: My best buddy in the whole wide world (duh, like I wouldn't have her read it? Love ya big, girlie!) Yvette, my super cool, talented creative friend (I hope you will still read my blog, and thanks a million) Sabrina, and my mom (again, that's a no brainer cos it is my mom!)

I got good feedback from them. I'd love to try and get it published. I have no idea how I might go about doing this. But I'm looking into it, at least a little.

And do you wonder if this is a one-off type thing? Well me too. But honestly, I have about four more ideas on new books I could write. But since my house has absolutely become a war zone because all I do is write when I should be doing my housework, I think I'll take a little break. I will hopefully write on here once a day for a little while. And when and if I start on the next book, I'll at least give you all a forewarning. You know. To all two of my followers.

Now I'm off to tackle the massive mountain of laundry that needs folded. And I might actually go buy vacuum bags. Because we are starting to have to wade through the dog hair that Qball is shedding these days. Or maybe I'll go and try to read back through what i wrote and tweak it. . .

P.S. - By the way, in my mind, I've already sold the movie rights and Sandra Bullock will be the lead character. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!