Some Tips for Our Friends Who Like to Send Email Scams

SO very sorry it has been so long, my friends! But you see, my family and I, well we had to visit a certain. . .mouse. 

In Florida. 

He has a girlfriend.  And some duck friends.  And he has a dog.  And another weird friend that I think is a dog, but I'm not altogether sure, to be honest.

We had a great time!  We got back and then it was on to try to get things ready for my son's birthday party.  He turned FIVE, at Disney World. (sob!)  And his party is today.  So things have been crazy.  I have sat down to write a post several times, but just have been too busy to get very far.

I checked all my emails when we got back and I had a billion.  Including lots of the example below.  Hope you enjoy it!

This is a typical email I get on an almost daily basis.  See my thoughts below the email. 

******

Hello Dear,

Greeting to your family YOUR ATM VISA CARD IS READY

I have been waiting for you since to contact me regarding you winning amount of $2,000,000.00 (Two Million United State Dollars) loaded on your ATM visa card which we discussed. We are duly interred switched. Therefore you can make withdrawal in any location of ATM Machine Center Cash point of your choice in any part of the world and the maximum you can withdraw a day is $2,000 us dollars in your country currency, but I did not hear from you since that time. Then I went and deposited the package ATM CARD with Express Courier company, Accra, Ghana as I traveled out of the country for a short Course and I will not come back till end of first quarter of the year 2011.What you have to do now is to contact the Express Courier Security company as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of the expiring date.

For your information, I have paid for the Clearance Certificate Fee neither of the ATM CARD showing that it is not a drug Money nor to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country. The only money you will pay to the Courier Company to deliver your ATM CARD direct to your postal Address in your country is ($55) only being their Security Keeping Fees of the Courier Company so far.

Again, Don't be deceive by anybody to pay any other money except $55 I would have paid that but they said no, because they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have to contact the Express Courier Company manager for the delivery of your ATM CARD package with this information bellow immediately.

HERE IS THE COURIER COMPANY INFORMATION'S.

COURIER NAME: EXPRESS COURIER COMPANY LTD

CONTACT PERSON: DR. JAMES KOJO GOODMAN.

POSITION: FOREIGN DELIVERY DEPARTMENT.

E-MAIL: blahblahblah

Tel: + 233-241-927-182.

Finally make sure that you reconfirm your full name, your Postal address or your home address and direct telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package over there and know when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this massage to avoid any further delay and remember you are to pay them their Security keeping fees of $55 ONLY for their immediate action.

As a matter of facts, make sure as the rightful beneficiary of the ATM CARD package of $2,000,000.00 (Two Million United State Dollars) you must contact them by indicating the code (2661428) so that they can find it and pick up immediately as they have it in their record.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Josephine A. Baidoo

Acting Manager of International commercial Bank Limited, Ghana (I.C.B.)

*******

Um.  Really?

Do they think I'm really that stupid?  I was only going to post those two little words.  But I can't. 

I must point out just a few things.

First.  They really should get someone who can use proper grammar to write their letters.  Because if I'm getting some mail from a bank, I would at least expect it to have good grammar.  I mean, really?  Really?

Second. (And I'm really dating myself here. . .) I personally really think they should have had the contact person be Kaja Googoo.  Just sayin'.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you are either too old, and so hahaha. . .or you are too young.  In which case I don't like you anymore.  But I mean, if you are going to try and scam someone, at least do some stuff to make it more fun for yourselves.

Third.  I actually really like how they call me "dear".  Wasn't that sweet of them?  I wonder if they thought if they put that in there that it would give me such a case of the warm fuzzies that I'd say, "Oh, you know, I totally know this is a scam, but what the heck?  I'm going to send them $55 out of the goodness of my very own, now warm and fuzzy, heart.  Yessiree. . ."

Fourth.  I also totally like how they are trying to warn me not to be deceived against any other scammers.  SO nice of them.  Isn't it?

Fifth.  I like this new word - demurrage.  For a minute, I thought they made it up.  Is that like demure damage?  The damage to my new ATM card is shy.  But no, my friends, it is an actual word.  So see?  Our scammers are providing us a new vocabulary word.  So we should all say thank you.  Demurrage, according to Wikipedia, means:

A cost associated with owning or holding currency over a given period of time. It is sometimes referred to as a carrying cost of money.

(BTW - If you already knew the meaning of the word, then I also don't like you anymore.  Because you are smart.  And that leads me to another question.  WHY are you reading this blog?)

Sixth.  And final.  I don't know why, but I find it amusing that this guy is an Acting Manager.  AND a DOCTOR.  So maybe it is true, and he shouldn't be doing this, but since he's Acting Manager AND a DOCTOR, he can't really get into trouble, because he isn't really the guy in charge.  Maybe I'll send him his $55 and he'll send me the money.  That would be nice.

Not.

Have a great day everybody!