As in, Cancer. The pancreatic kind.
I am sad. And angry. And overwhelmed.
It all started just after Christmas. She told me she was having some stomach pain and that she was going to the doctor. And really, all the details are kind of a blur, but the bottom line is we found out last week that she has pancreatic cancer. And they can't do surgery. And I need to write the "d" word. But I don't want to.
If any of you know me (and let's be honest, a lot of you do), you know this is very, very bad. I love my mom so much it hurts sometimes. She is my best friend apart from my BFF, Yvette. We do lots of things together. I talk on the phone with her almost every day.
And so this whole thing has really sucked.
So to put it out there, since they can't do surgery, they've given her a lovely window. 5-9 months. Isn't that horrible? I hate to see it even written down like that. I'm going to write it again and scratch it out:
So I'm sad. I know I said that already, but it needs to be said again. And again and again.
And you know what? Through all this, my mom, in typical "Weezie" fashion, is a champ. She is joking and laughing, and crying just a little teeny bit, but laughing through the tears even as they fall. We've talked about the details of what she wants. Like in the end, and after. And it's hard, but good all at the same time.
I don't know that I can write any more about this today. But I wanted to put it out there. My mommy is dying. And she will take a little piece of me with her. I just hope she comes back and haunts the hell out of me. Because I love her.
(Not such a) Happy Day, folks. . .