So yep. Mom's got the big C word. And as I keep saying, it totally sucks, right?
But if you also remember, I told you we were going to, as my mom says, "pull our big girl panties" on and start raising some hell with whatever time she has left, be it 5 minutes or 27.276 years. And the hell raising began yesterday when we went away for the night to Williamsburg.
We had the BEST time. I have never laughed so hard in all my life.
We got to the hotel, and my lovely husband, Jamey, surprised me by having flowers in our room when we arrived. Not just one bouquet. TWO. One for my mom, and one for me! Very thoughtful sweetie, and thank you again so much!
We stayed in the hotel room, and we just enjoyed chatting with each other and enjoying some time together without Joshua. It doesn't happen very often anymore. And right away we found something to be amused over.
And at this point, I must pause to warn you all. No one gets the humor between my mom and me. I mean, you all might find these mildly amusing. Hopefully at least amusing enough to get a chuckle out of you and interesting enough to finish reading this post. However, my mother and I found all the following incidents to be downright hysterical.
OK. That said, we were in our hotel for less than ten minutes when my mother had to go to the bathroom. And for whatever reason, the toilets in this hotel are like the ones on cruise ships. If you've ever been on a cruise ship, you know exactly what I'm talking about. If you don't, please go book a cruise so you can experience it first hand. But for those of you who can't wait, I will say that you need to stand back from the toilet lest it suck you down into it - because the force of the flush is so strong you swear that is exactly what will happen if you don't jump back immediately. And my mom, being Weezie, found this highly amusing. And so she yelled out at me, "Help, Carolyn!!!" And I laughed. And then we proceeded to try to outdo each other with every flush after that. My favorite was this morning when she called out, "Hey, Carolyn?" And she flushed just as I said, "Yeah?" And then I heard:
And I laughed so hard.
So after we hang out and chat and just enjoy each other's company, we go to dinner. And yes, there was a little bit of wine that was had. However, that is not a requirement for us to be goofy together. We had dinner at a pretty swanky restaurant. The waiters were all in tuxedos and everything. Mom and I had more good conversation. And we joked around a lot and acted silly and all that stuff. And things were fine until the dessert menu came around. And one of the items offered was pecan pie. And the description said that there was a secret ingredient in the pie, and it kind of dared you to try to figure out what it was. And the waiter came over, and of course my mom asked him what the secret ingredient was because she's really not very patient that way. And the waiter said he didn't know and then we told him we needed a few more minutes.
So he walks away, and mom and I are sitting there discussing what to get and all of a sudden I look at her seriously and say, "I bet I know what the secret ingredient is." And she's all, "What is it?" And so I look at her and smile and say, "I bet it's pot." And she almost falls out of her chair, and I am laughing and snorting. So the waiter comes back over, and I know he's waiting for me to order, but I just HAVE to say it. So I tell him that I think the secret ingredient is pot. And the waiter has to walk away from the table three times before he can regain his composure enough to speak. So of course, mom orders a piece of pecan pie to go. (Mom, we totally should have ordered, like, 10 whole pies. And asked for two forks and some napkins, to go...) I get a dessert, but I want something with ice cream (cos DUH), and so of course we have to wait.
The waiter goes back to the kitchen and as he leaves, mom and I are still cracking up over the whole pot comment. I tell her that I bet he is back in the back telling all the kitchen staff about it. And sure enough a minute or two later, I start seeing heads pop out from the kitchen. And mom and I laugh even harder. And then the manager comes into our area, and you know the waiter told her, and I bet she misunderstood and thought we actually had pot, and, of course, since mom and I are laughing so hard, and I'm wolfing down what must have been the biggest dessert they had, I can see why she maybe thought that.
But the fun didn't stop there. While we were waiting for the check, mom decides to go to the restroom. And she comes back and she looks at me, and without missing a beat, she says, "Well. The man in the restroom was VERY rude." And so by the time the waiter gets there, I'm crying into my napkin, and my mom tells HIM that, and I think he really just didn't even know what to do with us at that point. However, mom and I found the whole thing VERY amusing. We both have tears pouring down our faces and my napkin is all wet from the tears I've already wiped off. It was awesome. I'm pretty sure we won't be welcomed back there. Except by Eric the waiter, because even though he wasn't sure how to handle us, he liked us. I think.
Then we stop by a drug store, because I need some NyQuil because I still have a snotty head. We get the NyQuil and get to the hotel room and I joke about needing to take it after I've gotten in the bed so I can fall right asleep since it usually hits me like a ton of bricks. My mom's also decided she needs some, and so she's trying to open the bottle. I don't remember all the jokes we made about the NyQuil, but of course because it was me and my mom, we found everything about the NyQuil highly funny.
But the best part was when she says, "Oh no. We can't take this now." And I ask, "Why not?" And she looks at me and says, "It says you shouldn't take it if the seal is broken." And I look down and she's dropped the plastic seal on the floor. And I pick it up and put it up to her real close and say to her like she's four years old, "DID YOU DO THIS?" And she immediately starts laughing, and I say again, "DID YOU DO THIS????" And we collapse into fits of giggles.
I could go on. But at this point, I know you are all thinking - these two women have lost their minds. And possibly thinking - oh my goodness. I am so glad I was not in Williamsburg while they were there. Or maybe you've stopped reading by now because you just don't get it. And THAT'S THE POINT.
Of course all of this is not translating to how funny it really was. And of course all of you are probably also thinking, "Oh my, Carolyn's mom's illness has really gotten to her. I think she's having some mental problems now." It just makes me laugh even harder, because I think - no, I know - that's what my dad and Jamey think every time they see mom and me together! And what makes it even funnier than THAT, is that my mom will read this, and she will totally get it, and she will also be laughing. And NONE OF YOU WILL GET IT. AWESOME.
Happy Day, folks!
PS - She didn't really get arrested. We just posted on Facebook that it was on her bucket list. Then we made jokes about the view from jail and stuff. But people totally believed it. And that made us laugh even more. Because in truth? If you hang out with my Weezie, you never know. It could totally happen!