Oopsie - It's Been a While. And Have You Ever Heard of an Exploding Turkey Burger?

Sorry that I deserted you all.  This summer has been particularly busy for some reason.  Either that or I've been exceptionally lazy.  That is probably the more likely answer.

And so since it's been very busy (because of course that option sounds much better), you'd think I have a lot to write about, right?

Not really.

But something did happen last night.  My husband's turkey burger exploded.

Let me explain.

I decided to try a new recipe last night.  It was called Mozzarella-Stuffed Italian Turkey Burgers.  Essentially, you take some ground turkey, add stuff to it, and then form 8 very thin patties.  Then you take four of the patties and lay a slice of mozzarella cheese on it.  Then you take the other patty and "seal" it so that the mozzarella cheese doesn't leak out.  Broil or grill them and enjoy, right?

So I follow the directions and make the burgers, and I must say, by the time they were broiling in the oven, I was quite pleased with myself.  Because they were smelling pretty darn tasty.  And Jamey gets home from work and, as he's changing, he asks what is for dinner.  I tell him, and then have to explain why it's not ready because these burgers take a little longer to prepare and blah blah blah.

I finally finish up the rest of dinner, and I get his burger onto a bun (I ate mine sans bun), and set it on the table.

I turn to finish getting my plate together and I hear. . .

Well I won't say what I heard.  Because let's face it.  It wasn't very pretty.

And I turn around, and Jamey is wiping at his face and his arm and his shirt, and I was like "What's WRONG?"

And I look on his plate, and it looked like the burger had an accident of some sort.

And so he's all yelling, like, "THE BURGER EXPLODED!"

And I don't want to be outdone in the yelling department, so I'm all like, "WHAT?!?!?!"

And he yells louder, "THE BURGER EXPLODED AND I GOT TURKEY JUICE ALL OVER ME AND IT'S HOT AS (you know what) AND IT HURT!!!!!"

(I decide at this point that it would be in my best interest not to yell back anymore.) I put on my sweet, concerned voice and say, "Are you OK?"

And he looks at me, and says, "This meal is NOT off to a good start."

Like it's my fault.  Really?

How the heck was I supposed to know that a turkey burger stuffed with cheese would explode when you took the first bite?  Besides, mine didn't.  Of course, that's because I was eating it with no bun, and cut into it VERY carefully after seeing the carnage on Jamey's plate.

So your lesson of the day is:  If someone else made you a burger, always ask if the burgers are stuffed with cheese.  Because if they are, they might explode.

Aren't you glad you know that now?

Happy day folks!

Old Rags and Tailors - Normal or Not Normal? THAT is the Question...

So a few days ago, I was texting back and forth with my friend Brenna.  Which is sort of funny, because she lives right down the street from me and we were both home, but I suppose it seemed like too much trouble to pick up the phone and call each other.  And why is that?  Why do people prefer texting now?  I don't get it, really, but I do the same thing as everybody else, and I don't really have a good answer for why I text over phoning.  But - I digress. 

I don't remember what the actual conversation was about.  I meant to save it, but I don't like having a bunch of extra junk on my phone, and I deleted it by accident.  And besides, you don't really have to know the whole gist of the conversation to get what it is I'm going to talk about.  Eventually.  When I get around to talking about it.  Jeez, I'm long winded today.

ANYWAY.

At the end of the conversation, Brenna mentioned something about ignoring the piles of laundry she had in her house.  (Which, of course, I think is quite smart, because who likes to do laundry when you can sit around watching movies with your kids and eat snacks all afternoon because it's a million degrees outside?  In JUNE.  The BEGINNING of JUNE.  Does not bode well.)  So she's saying she's going to ignore her laundry, and I texted her back something along the lines of this:

I don't blame you.  I am pretending my laundry is just a pile of old rags.  Because who folds up old rags anyway?

*******

I hit the send button.  And I got nothing back from her. 

And then it happened.  I had one of those thoughts.  You know the ones.

Oh my lord.  What if everybody else folds up their rags?  What if I'm not normal?  What if she's sitting down at her house thinking to herself, "I cannot believe she doesn't fold up her old rags?  I bet her linen closet is a mess!  She probably doesn't even have a label maker."  (No.  I still don't have one.  But I still have half a year.  If you remember, it was one of my resolutions.  If you are wondering, I have broken a lot of these already.  I'm going to do a mid-year update on July 1.)

I am sure everybody has feelings like this from time to time.  Or even realizations that something they do in their own home is not the "norm" to others.  (And for goodness sake, if you do not have feelings like this, please do not tell me, because it will just further the evidence that Jamey will need to put me in one of those special hospitals.  And I'll only be able to come home on occasional weekends and holidays.)

It reminds me of a Friends episode I saw.  Let's see if I can find a clip.  Be back in a few minutes. . .

I'm back!  And oh yes.  I found it.  I LOVE this.  You must watch this.  (Click on the video right now.  You will not be disappointed.)

See?  But I suppose the moral to this is that I would rather be thought of as odd for not folding up old rags than for going to a tailor like Joey's.

One more thing before I go.  I will be out of pocket the next few days, because I am going to go seeeeeeeee, my BFF!!!  I leave tomorrow to go see Yvette!  I may do another interview with her, like we did when she was here last.  Because that was fun and entertaining.  For us.  I had to clarify that in case you didn't think it was fun and entertaining. 

Happy day folks!

It's Official - I'm Out of My Mind

Yep.  Sure am.

As of this morning, I am officially signed up to run the 2011 SunTrust Richmond Marathon on November 12. 

Wait, let me check again.

Yep.  Completely out of my mind.

If some of you recall one of my earlier posts (Carolyn, the Racing Lunatic), it looks as though I have some work to do.  If you don't remember what I'm talking about, then you must read the post I've linked to.

I don't know what has possessed me to train for another marathon.  I guess part of it is the fact that I haven't done one in quite some time.  Since Joshua was born, I really haven't participated in many races.  I used to do several races each year before he came along.  I have done two marathons.  I guess I am possibly trying to rediscover that part of me again.  This, however, is partially how I know I'm crazy.  Because seriously, do I really have to do an entire marathon?  What's wrong with a 10k?  Or a half marathon if I really want to push myself?  I'm not sure.

I think another part of it is that my lovely, husband, Jamey ran one last year.  And he has given me two reasons to try it again.  Number one, he ran one.  Therefore, I am jealous.  (Hey, at least I'm honest!)  And so now I want to do one.  And number two, he ran it with a training team.  OK OK, some of you know that the first marathon I ever ran was through a training team.   But there's a difference.  The difference is that, that training team sucked.

OK.  It didn't really suck.  It served its purpose.  It was a Jeff Galloway training program.  But the program directors were not the best at helping us train.  Basically, they showed up, set up aid stations, handed out maps, and said good luck.  We were lucky (those of us in the slow groups) if we saw them when we got back from our runs.  But I want more out of a training program.  And Jamey promises me that this group is different.

Plus, my first two marathons were done using the run/walk technique.  I had a watch with dual timers on it.  I'd run 10 minutes.  Then I'd walk for two.  Over and over again.  And eventually I'd peter out in the final six miles somewhere and walk for a while and run at the end.  So this time, I have a goal.  I truly hope to run the whole race.  I don't want to walk. 

sssssshhhhhhhhhhhhh. . .I also have a super secret goal to run it in 4:45 or less.  If I run it in 4:30 or less, I will no longer stick to my promise not to look like a lunatic at the finish line and will post the picture on my blog.  But ssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

My first training run is Saturday morning at 7am.  And we go for 5 miles.  WOOT WOOT!  Wish me luck in my training!

Happy day folks!

I Beg For an Explanation to These Two Questions

Why in the world do they have scented dishwasher detergent?

Seriously.  I want to know. 

Because it makes no sense. 

Have you ever once been running your dishwasher and thought to yourself, "My how I love the lemon scent emenating from my dishwasher?"  Or better yet, have you ever pulled out a newly cleaned dish and put it up to your nose, inhaling deeply, and said, "Aaaahhh, so lovely.  My dishes smell like they've just been plucked out of an orange grove!"

If you said yes to either of these, I'm sorry, but I think you are totally lying.  And I must (sorry mom) call bullshit.

I also beg for an explanation for this statement:

One word. . .

HUH?

Happy day folks!

The Dog is Still Alive - Barely

For those of you who are not sure what I am talking about, you must go see my previous post, which is entitled: My Dog Needs to Enter the Canine Protection Program - IMMEDIATELY.  If you look at this post, you will certainly understand why I felt he needed to enter this program.

You will all be glad to know, that as of right now, Quincy is still alive.  But it was really touch and go there when my husband got home the other day. 

So just a quick post today to show why he still may need to enter this program. 

Jamey was cleaning out our black hole of a garage yesterday.  Qfus the doofus decided it would be fun to explore.  Under Jamey's bike.  A lot.  This is the result of his exploring:

Uh-huh.  That's grease.  It 's not coming out.  Sigh.  You now see why I make no promises for his future.



The one bright side is that my toes look really cute in this picture. 

Happy Memorial Day folks!

My Dog Needs to Enter the Canine Protection Program - IMMEDIATELY

It's totally true.  Would you like to know why?


Let me paint you a picture.  No better yet, let me post you a picture:

Oh, yes he did.  For whatever reason, Qfus the doofus decided it would be really fun to dig a new hole in the yard.  Right smack in the middle of the newly sprouted grass that Jamey planted a couple of weeks ago.

I didn't notice it at first.  That's because I saw this first:

(Disclaimer:  This scene has been recreated to look like it did this morning.  He actually had dragged it into the driveway, so I put it back how I first found it this morning.)

That, my friends, is a substantial piece of an azalea bush from the front yard.  If you remember correctly, last summer, Quincy had a habit of uprooting entire azalea bushes and bringing them to the front door.  Like a cat.  At least this time it wasn't the entire azalea.

So I was right in the middle of scolding him for the azalea mauling when I looked up to the top part of our yard and saw a suspicious looking spot where there should have been green grass.  I walked up further, and then my fear was confirmed.  The poor dog is not going to see it coming tonight when Jamey gets home.  That's because he's too doofussy to know when he should be scared for his life.  Maybe since he thinks he's a cat, he's got several lives left.  And who am I to break it to him that he's a dog?  If he realized that his time is running very short, he'd probably pee on the floor.  I'm just lazy and don't want to have to clean that up.

I am so entirely sure that his life is going to end in the very near future that I gave him a last meal.  A chewie and a fresh bowl of water.  Though I'm not sure he deserved it.

This is not the first time he's done something that caused us to consider ending his life.  There's this one:

This was taken during the time where I was supposed to be on bed rest, because my bronchitis was on the verge of turning into the "in the hospital" style pneumonia.  And I was in my nightclothes and it had been raining, and so Quincy thought it would be fun to dig in the mud.  I had to give him a bath.  He weighs well over 80 pounds.  I don't think the doctor would have approved this activity for me at the time, and I'm actually quite surprised I didn't end up in the hospital after this was over.  And on a side note, how is it that this dog loves to go in a completely stinky, algae filled, muddy, disgusting creek or river, but he doesn't want to go in a lovely nice, warm lovely bathtub?

Oh and there was also this one:

Not to mention this was the THIRD bed he had destroyed.  I guess the third time's the charm for us getting that he doesn't deserve a bed.  Now he sleeps on the cold tile floor.  I don't feel a lick bad for it either.

I have a few other lovely "landscaping" pictures.  Don't forget:  like a cat:

I love the way in this one, he is laying right beside the azalea, and he looks either 1.  totally proud of himself, 2. acting totally innocent, or 3. completely stupid.  Which do you think it is?  Because I really wonder, myself.

The fabric you see was dug up from underneath the mulch on the side of our house.  And he brought all the lumber from over there too.

It happened so frequently last summer that we just started leaving it like this for weeks at a time.  I'm sure our neighbors loved us for that.  No wonder no one talks to me.

And this just shows how dumb he really is.  Sorry, but he is.  You'd think I'd be all, "No no, Quincy, don't bring that in here."  I could have held the door open all day and he'd have never gotten it inside because he couldn't figure out how to get it through the door.  Sigh.

Happy day folks!

Some Tips for Our Friends Who Like to Send Email Scams

SO very sorry it has been so long, my friends! But you see, my family and I, well we had to visit a certain. . .mouse. 

In Florida. 

He has a girlfriend.  And some duck friends.  And he has a dog.  And another weird friend that I think is a dog, but I'm not altogether sure, to be honest.

We had a great time!  We got back and then it was on to try to get things ready for my son's birthday party.  He turned FIVE, at Disney World. (sob!)  And his party is today.  So things have been crazy.  I have sat down to write a post several times, but just have been too busy to get very far.

I checked all my emails when we got back and I had a billion.  Including lots of the example below.  Hope you enjoy it!

This is a typical email I get on an almost daily basis.  See my thoughts below the email. 

******

Hello Dear,

Greeting to your family YOUR ATM VISA CARD IS READY

I have been waiting for you since to contact me regarding you winning amount of $2,000,000.00 (Two Million United State Dollars) loaded on your ATM visa card which we discussed. We are duly interred switched. Therefore you can make withdrawal in any location of ATM Machine Center Cash point of your choice in any part of the world and the maximum you can withdraw a day is $2,000 us dollars in your country currency, but I did not hear from you since that time. Then I went and deposited the package ATM CARD with Express Courier company, Accra, Ghana as I traveled out of the country for a short Course and I will not come back till end of first quarter of the year 2011.What you have to do now is to contact the Express Courier Security company as soon as possible to know when they will deliver your package to you because of the expiring date.

For your information, I have paid for the Clearance Certificate Fee neither of the ATM CARD showing that it is not a drug Money nor to sponsor Terrorist attack in your Country. The only money you will pay to the Courier Company to deliver your ATM CARD direct to your postal Address in your country is ($55) only being their Security Keeping Fees of the Courier Company so far.

Again, Don't be deceive by anybody to pay any other money except $55 I would have paid that but they said no, because they don't know when you will contact them and in case of demurrage. You have to contact the Express Courier Company manager for the delivery of your ATM CARD package with this information bellow immediately.

HERE IS THE COURIER COMPANY INFORMATION'S.

COURIER NAME: EXPRESS COURIER COMPANY LTD

CONTACT PERSON: DR. JAMES KOJO GOODMAN.

POSITION: FOREIGN DELIVERY DEPARTMENT.

E-MAIL: blahblahblah

Tel: + 233-241-927-182.

Finally make sure that you reconfirm your full name, your Postal address or your home address and direct telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package over there and know when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again, try to contact them as soon as you receive this massage to avoid any further delay and remember you are to pay them their Security keeping fees of $55 ONLY for their immediate action.

As a matter of facts, make sure as the rightful beneficiary of the ATM CARD package of $2,000,000.00 (Two Million United State Dollars) you must contact them by indicating the code (2661428) so that they can find it and pick up immediately as they have it in their record.

Yours sincerely

Dr. Josephine A. Baidoo

Acting Manager of International commercial Bank Limited, Ghana (I.C.B.)

*******

Um.  Really?

Do they think I'm really that stupid?  I was only going to post those two little words.  But I can't. 

I must point out just a few things.

First.  They really should get someone who can use proper grammar to write their letters.  Because if I'm getting some mail from a bank, I would at least expect it to have good grammar.  I mean, really?  Really?

Second. (And I'm really dating myself here. . .) I personally really think they should have had the contact person be Kaja Googoo.  Just sayin'.  If you don't know what I'm talking about you are either too old, and so hahaha. . .or you are too young.  In which case I don't like you anymore.  But I mean, if you are going to try and scam someone, at least do some stuff to make it more fun for yourselves.

Third.  I actually really like how they call me "dear".  Wasn't that sweet of them?  I wonder if they thought if they put that in there that it would give me such a case of the warm fuzzies that I'd say, "Oh, you know, I totally know this is a scam, but what the heck?  I'm going to send them $55 out of the goodness of my very own, now warm and fuzzy, heart.  Yessiree. . ."

Fourth.  I also totally like how they are trying to warn me not to be deceived against any other scammers.  SO nice of them.  Isn't it?

Fifth.  I like this new word - demurrage.  For a minute, I thought they made it up.  Is that like demure damage?  The damage to my new ATM card is shy.  But no, my friends, it is an actual word.  So see?  Our scammers are providing us a new vocabulary word.  So we should all say thank you.  Demurrage, according to Wikipedia, means:

A cost associated with owning or holding currency over a given period of time. It is sometimes referred to as a carrying cost of money.

(BTW - If you already knew the meaning of the word, then I also don't like you anymore.  Because you are smart.  And that leads me to another question.  WHY are you reading this blog?)

Sixth.  And final.  I don't know why, but I find it amusing that this guy is an Acting Manager.  AND a DOCTOR.  So maybe it is true, and he shouldn't be doing this, but since he's Acting Manager AND a DOCTOR, he can't really get into trouble, because he isn't really the guy in charge.  Maybe I'll send him his $55 and he'll send me the money.  That would be nice.

Not.

Have a great day everybody!