When Joshua was first born everyone told me that because he was a boy, my time was limited with him. That one day, he would end up worshiping the ground his daddy walked on, and I would be but a distant memory. Not that I wouldn't hold a special place in his heart, but I wouldn't have a little shadow anymore. I am starting to see that now.
When Joshua was an infant, he wanted me in the daytime and daddy in the evening. It was like the moment Jamey came in the door from work, Joshua actually was all about his daddy. I don't know if it was because I still hadn't come into my own as a mom really (that didn't happen in full force until Joshua started walking at 10 1/2 months - another blog story for another day) or if it was just he was sick of me by then or what. I was actually afraid he would never bond with me at all. But then it was almost as if a switch was turned. And it was all about mom. . .
We even went through a time where Joshua didn't want his daddy to put him to bed, brush his teeth, kiss his boo boos etc etc etc. It was hard for Jamey to go through this time and even now we still have nights where Joshua wants mommy to take him an extra night. And although part of me didn't like to see Joshua always wanting me, there was another part of me that loved it. I mean, what mom wouldn't?
But now as Joshua is getting older, I see hints of it changing. Joshua loves to play with his daddy. He almost always wants to be where Jamey is when he is doing projects, etc. He can't wait for him to get home at night. He likes drinking Gatorade like his daddy, and eating his Cliff bars, and biking with no training wheels etc, just like Daddy. And there are nights where it's my turn to put Joshua to bed, and he asks for Daddy instead.
The most recent project was Jamey building Joshua's treefort. When Joshua saw it, I just kept hearing him say over and over again, "Oh thank you Daddy for my tree fort." He was in awe of his daddy and it was so adorable it almost left me breathless. Joshua helped him finish that project for 3 days. His play tools haven't made it back in yet for all the "building" he helped do. And when I would peek out, I would see the two of them out there, building, snacking, and sharing all kinds of secrets. It is one of the best memories I have to date of Joshua and his daddy.
As he gets older, I assume I will see him do more with Jamey. He will ask for Jamey more than he will for me. And not that I won't be special, but it is a natural part of a boy growing up into a (gulp) man. The thought is amazing and terrifying all at the same time. I often ponder how I will feel, when that transformation is complete. Will I be hurt? Or will I feel a little thrill of freedom? My guess is maybe I will feel a bit of both of these. And that is ok. I have to let my boy grow up to be a man.