Oh my goodness. I bet you all think I fell into a deep abyss, never to be heard from again, didn't you? Abducted by aliens? Or maybe you thought I was doing something as simple as working really super hard on my second book?
Well I hate to inform you, but none of those are true. I honestly just haven't been. . .inspired. Inspired to write much of anything. I could blame it on my illness, I guess. I have been sick since Christmas. I had a blinding headache that whole day. Then I got a horrible head and chest cold the following day. Went to the doctor and finally got some antibiotics on New Year's Day. I'm still coughing and hacking and congested, but it's not as bad as it has been. That said, I just haven't been able to sit down and write much of anything at all.
Well that's not exactly true. I did write on my second book some. I really like it. But it's very slow going. I don't know if that is a good sign or not. Anyway, I just haven't been able to sit down and write all that much. And that is sad to me and a little scary if you want to know the truth.
I do like writing. Love it really. But this is the first time that I haven't felt like doing it. I didn't even want to open this up and start writing. I was afraid nothing would come to me at all. But I guess it sort of is. I have thoughts all spinning up in my head. Fears about writing. Worries. About writing. Lots of things about writing.
I want to always be inspired to write. It is really cool (even if I never get a thing published, or if I do get published and all I ever write is chick lit and nothing really deep or meaningful or serious) when I write, because I transport myself to somewhere else. Somewhere where I don't feel like I'm anything but - me. I don't want to lose that. Will I lose it if I ever stop writing? Or will I find myself somewhere else? Dear me, I surely hope so.
I have to say the sickness part has really gotten me down. I've never felt so puny for so long. I am finally feeling more human today, so maybe that is what it is. I surely hope so.
Today Joshua's preschool is closed. I'm letting Joshua play on his own for a little while this morning. So I think after I finish this, I'll try to go and write on my book a little. Even if I just get a few pages done, you know?
Can I tell you a secret about my book writing? I like pretending while I am writing that I am the main character. Especially this main character. Because I think she's cute and funny and witty and weighs about 20 pounds less than I do. And she's got long hair that looks lovely all the time. So even though writing makes me feel like me. . .I also get to pretend to be someone else. You know. Kind of like acting, but not. Does that make sense? Probably not. And I can't blame it on decongestants anymore. I wonder if other writers out there do that when they write? Or are they looking at it from an "outside to inside" perspective?
So wish me luck. I apologize for this not being a more entertaining post. But it's a real post.