Today I am taking a minute to talk about how my writing is going. . .and well. . .it's not really.
I have been working on my second book. I haven't forgotten about the first book, I promise. I have it ready to enter that contest I told you all about. Mostly anyway. But I figure since I had the urge to write on the second one I should start, right?
And it's been harder. Much harder than the first one. With the first one, I couldn't keep the words from popping into my brain. I would write almost all the time. If I wasn't sitting in front of the computer, I would be writing on my blackberry. (And trying to play with my son at the same time. That's not easy.) Or writing on a scrap of paper I kept by my bed. I'd sneak into the bathroom with an idea, close the door, turn on the light, and write down the basics so I wouldn't forget it. I had future pieces/parts of my first book that I'd have to write down because they wouldn't leave me alone. Then later I'd join them together with the rest of the book. I mean, it was like I was glued to some device with a keyboard.
This book has been more difficult for me. I start. Sometimes I only get a page or two out. I stop. I look at the screen. Ideas don't pop into my head at all kinds of crazy times. I don't need a scrap of paper by my bed this time.
Is this bad? I have no idea. I just know the process for this one is so much different than the first. I will say that I think this one is better than my first. And that's a good thing, right? I am trying not to panic. I am trying to let myself enjoy the process. But when the words and ideas don't come quite as easily, it is sometimes not really fun. But I want to keep doing it. I still enjoy it overall.
I also have found myself going back to look at my first book again. Edit a little. Read pieces of it. Tweak it. I feel like that is good. Because if I am lucky enough to have it selected as a finalist in this contest, then I want the rest of the book to be in good shape. The first 50 pages are ready. I am going to submit it by next week. But when I go back and look at the first book, it makes me wish for the second book to come as easily. I don't know if I should wish for that. What do you think?
I also am going through some challenges in my personal life. And I think this is affecting how I am writing right now. Holidays, family health issues, and other things are causing me some anxiety. So maybe that is not helping my writing brain. I am a little depressed. I would so like to have my book (either one of them) published. And I don't know if they ever will be. And that is hard. Because you work so hard on them, and what if it is all for "nothing"?
I know it's not really for nothing. I can enjoy them for myself. But, like most any other writer out there, I really want to share it with others. I want others to want to read it and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. And the thought that it might not happen, well that's a big downer.
So I am sorry that my post is a bit whiny and depressing today. But it helps to get that out. If I can't be honest with you fine people, then who can I be honest with? :) Thanks for listening. . .