Writing Can Be SOOO Hard!

Today I am taking a minute to talk about how my writing is going. . .and well. . .it's not really.

I have been working on my second book.  I haven't forgotten about the first book, I promise.  I have it ready to enter that contest I told you all about.  Mostly anyway.  But I figure since I had the urge to write on the second one I should start, right?

And it's been harder.  Much harder than the first one.  With the first one, I couldn't keep the words from popping into my brain.  I would write almost all the time.  If I wasn't sitting in front of the computer, I would be writing on my blackberry. (And trying to play with my son at the same time.  That's not easy.)  Or writing on a scrap of paper I kept by my bed.  I'd sneak into the bathroom with an idea, close the door, turn on the light, and write down the basics so I wouldn't forget it.  I had future pieces/parts of my first book that I'd have to write down because they wouldn't leave me alone.  Then later I'd join them together with the rest of the book.  I mean, it was like I was glued to some device with a keyboard.

This book has been more difficult for me.  I start.  Sometimes I only get a page or two out.  I stop.  I look at the screen.  Ideas don't pop into my head at all kinds of crazy times.  I don't need a scrap of paper by my bed this time.

Is this bad?  I have no idea.  I just know the process for this one is so much different than the first.  I will say that I think this one is better than my first.  And that's a good thing, right?  I am trying not to panic.  I am trying to let myself enjoy the process.  But when the words and ideas don't come quite as easily, it is sometimes not really fun.  But I want to keep doing it.  I still enjoy it overall.

I also have found myself going back to look at my first book again.  Edit a little.  Read pieces of it.  Tweak it.  I feel like that is good.  Because if I am lucky enough to have it selected as a finalist in this contest, then I want the rest of the book to be in good shape.  The first 50 pages are ready.  I am going to submit it by next week.  But when I go back and look at the first book, it makes me wish for the second book to come as easily.  I don't know if I should wish for that.  What do you think?

I also am going through some challenges in my personal life.  And I think this is affecting how I am writing right now.  Holidays, family health issues, and other things are causing me some anxiety.  So maybe that is not helping my writing brain.  I am a little depressed.  I would so like to have my book (either one of them) published.  And I don't know if they ever will be.  And that is hard.  Because you work so hard on them, and what if it is all for "nothing"? 

I know it's not really for nothing.  I can enjoy them for myself.  But, like most any other writer out there, I really want to share it with others.  I want others to want to read it and enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  And the thought that it might not happen, well that's a big downer.

So I am sorry that my post is a bit whiny and depressing today.  But it helps to get that out.  If I can't be honest with you fine people, then who can I be honest with?  :)  Thanks for listening. . .