Monday, November 8, 2010

A Painful Memory. And a Request.

Well! The workshop was really super cool! I wrote down lots of good tips, I met some interesting folks and learned a lot. I was especially impressed with a local author who just got her first novel published. Her name is Michele Young-Stone and the book is The Handbook for Lightning Strike Survivors. Her story about how she finally got published after a several year process was really fabulous. You should check out her website - I was totally bummed because I couldn't buy her book (no money with me), but I plan on getting it. All in all, I was really glad I went.

The weekend was pretty busy. The time change has totally messed with Joshua's sleeping. He is now waking up an hour earlier than he was. Which is a bummer, because when it gets colder outside, I always want to sleep an hour later. Jamey gets up with him a lot of mornings, but today wasn't one of them. So I am grouchy.

I did it again.  I wrote a super personal post.  Then I decided I couldn't post it.  There are things I'd like to share with you all eventually, but once you put it out there, well then it is out there forever.  No taking it back on a blog.  So I have changed it a bit.

I can share part of the post with you.  It is about two of my dear friends.  They are both hurting and there's nothing I can do to help them right now.  Other than to be there for them if they want someone to talk to.  That really stinks doesn't it?  Don't you hate it when friends are hurting very, very much and you just have to sit there watching them hurt? 

Even worse is when your child is hurt and there's nothing you can do to help them.  I never fully understood that until Joshua was born.  Now I just cringe thinking about the first time his heart will be broken by a first love, or even worse, if I break his heart.  I hope I never do.

I remember one time there was a boy I really liked.  It was while I was in high school and I really liked this guy, and I thought he really liked me.  He would call me, he came over a couple of times and we held hands and stuff.  Homecoming was coming up and I thought he was going to ask me.  It would have been the first time I'd been asked to a school dance (remember, I was NOT popular).  This boy was really cute and popular.  And so I waited.  And then a friend of mine came up to me one day, and she admitted he had asked her to the dance.  I never felt like I had a really great friendship with this girl, but I was super surprised when she told me that she turned him down because she knew I liked him, and she thought what he was doing to me was really lame.  She said she was less than impressed that he was giving off the appearance that he really liked me and then asking her (and others I later found out) to the dance.

So when my phone rang and a guy who had recently moved to our neighborhood called and asked me to go, I accepted.  Then of course, just like on TV, who should call?  The boy I really liked.  And I told him I was sorry, but I had already accepted someone else's invitation.  I hung the phone up.  The tears welled up.  My mom walked into the kitchen and saw me.  I burst into tears.  He had broken my heart.  And all my mom could do was sit with me while I cried my eyes out.

Ugh.  I still hate thinking about that! 

My heart hurts for my little boy already, and nothing like that has even happened to him yet!  Oh the woes of a parent.  But I will sit there with him as long as he needs me.

I will also sit there for my friends if they call.  Unfortunately, they are both hiders.  They withdraw during heartache or crisis.  They don't talk.  I hurt for them because of that.  It is toxic to let it stew inside and not talk.  I know that very well.  Bleh.  If any of you do that, stop it! 

For some reason, this was a hard post for me to write. A painful memory even though it seems so silly on some levels now. Thank you for letting me share it here.

So I'll end today's post with this.  I know some of you have faith and believe in God.  For those of you that do, please pray for healing for my friends.  Also pray that God will hold on to these two ladies tightly and not let go.  I know He is already doing that, but it will be nice for my friends to know these prayers are being said for them.  If you don't really do God, please send positive thoughts to them.  They need them. 

Update 11:09am - I was running this morning and thinking about my post.  I think what really bothered me more about that memory was thinking about how my mom must have felt more so than me and how bad I felt at the time.  My pain was only temporary.  But now as a mom, I think we always carry a little bit of pain around for our children.  Whether it is something from their past, or a future hurt even.  Does that make sense?  It was much clearer in my head while I was running.  Now it's all jumbled up again.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh- I am NOT looking forward to my kids getting their hearts broken!! But at least they will have a Mom who will be there to listen- thanks for reminding me of that!!


Wanna say something? Cool. But I reserve the right to make fun of you if I want to.