Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Another Post About my Book. But Not Really.

So we "auditioned" last night to see if we could find a place in our church's musical program.  It went OK.  The guy we auditioned for said I had a nice voice.  Now he wants to hear what we sound like when we are running through the sound system at church.  Just thought I'd let you all know that before I get started for the day.

And now for today's post. . .

I once again find myself starting and stopping my post for the day.  Apparantly, I really want to write about my book again, but I am afraid I will bore you all with the details.  so maybe I will write about it for a minute and move on to something else. 

I finally really dug in today and started editing it.  It is slow, but I got through not quite the first one hundred pages.  I still would love to have someone go behind me and see if I've left anything out.  I also know that some of my sentence structure needs some work.  I have two feelers out there for people that I know and trust who may be able to help me, and I hope that one of them takes me up on it.  If my book ends up getting published, and it is successful (as I daydream it will be) then I will buy them a really super nice present. 

I can't hlep but wonder why it took me so long to get started on it. Is it because I was lazy?  Or maybe afraid?  I find that I do that sometimes.  I'll start on something and then I won't ever finish it.  In fact, I have a sweater that I started crocheting last year that is still sitting in my bag, waiting for one more sleeve to be completed (or is it a sleeve and a half?), and then I have to stitch it all together.  Why won't I finish it?  Am I just bored of it?

I think that is why I won't allow myself to start on my new book.  If I edit it, then I have to send it out, and I am afraid to do that.  If I do start on the next book, I will probably never edit the first one.  And if I do that every single time I write something new, then I'll never actually attempt to get anything published.  It's almost like I am self-sabotaging myself.  I shouldn't do that.  I am worth trying to see this through to the end.  Right?

I need to be better to myself in this way.  If I treat myself as though I am not worth the time or the risk, then how will I ever think I am worth - anything?  It's taken me a long time to realize that I am worth something as a person.  That I do add value to the lives of at least the immediate people in my life.  And more importantly, if I don't think I am worth anything to myself, how will I teach my little boy that he is worth something to himself and others around him?  That he matters?  So hey me!  I matter!  Take the risk, you dork!  (I realize I shouldn't use those terms with myself.  But in this case, it applies!)

So I will plug away at it. I know I also need to work on the query that I will send out to literary agents. But I can justifiably put that on hold. I want to be close to being finished editing before I send those out. I want to be prepared.  And if it comes back that I never hear anything or I get nothing but rejection letters, I shouldn't be afraid to try again.  Because I am worth the risk.

Go after what you want folks.  You are worth the risk too.  We all are!

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