So we "auditioned" last night to see if we could find a place in our church's musical program. It went OK. The guy we auditioned for said I had a nice voice. Now he wants to hear what we sound like when we are running through the sound system at church. Just thought I'd let you all know that before I get started for the day.
And now for today's post. . .
I once again find myself starting and stopping my post for the day. Apparantly, I really want to write about my book again, but I am afraid I will bore you all with the details. so maybe I will write about it for a minute and move on to something else.
I finally really dug in today and started editing it. It is slow, but I got through not quite the first one hundred pages. I still would love to have someone go behind me and see if I've left anything out. I also know that some of my sentence structure needs some work. I have two feelers out there for people that I know and trust who may be able to help me, and I hope that one of them takes me up on it. If my book ends up getting published, and it is successful (as I daydream it will be) then I will buy them a really super nice present.
I can't hlep but wonder why it took me so long to get started on it. Is it because I was lazy? Or maybe afraid? I find that I do that sometimes. I'll start on something and then I won't ever finish it. In fact, I have a sweater that I started crocheting last year that is still sitting in my bag, waiting for one more sleeve to be completed (or is it a sleeve and a half?), and then I have to stitch it all together. Why won't I finish it? Am I just bored of it?
I think that is why I won't allow myself to start on my new book. If I edit it, then I have to send it out, and I am afraid to do that. If I do start on the next book, I will probably never edit the first one. And if I do that every single time I write something new, then I'll never actually attempt to get anything published. It's almost like I am self-sabotaging myself. I shouldn't do that. I am worth trying to see this through to the end. Right?
I need to be better to myself in this way. If I treat myself as though I am not worth the time or the risk, then how will I ever think I am worth - anything? It's taken me a long time to realize that I am worth something as a person. That I do add value to the lives of at least the immediate people in my life. And more importantly, if I don't think I am worth anything to myself, how will I teach my little boy that he is worth something to himself and others around him? That he matters? So hey me! I matter! Take the risk, you dork! (I realize I shouldn't use those terms with myself. But in this case, it applies!)
So I will plug away at it. I know I also need to work on the query that I will send out to literary agents. But I can justifiably put that on hold. I want to be close to being finished editing before I send those out. I want to be prepared. And if it comes back that I never hear anything or I get nothing but rejection letters, I shouldn't be afraid to try again. Because I am worth the risk.
Go after what you want folks. You are worth the risk too. We all are!